Borat: Real Estate Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Kazakhstan

Special announcement from the ZeroDown Ministry of Information!

14 years ago, comedian Sacha Baron Cohen released the original "Borat" film about the sixth most famous real estate broker in all of Kazakhstan. 

In honor of "Subsequent Moviefilm" being released today, October 23, 2020, we're analyzing Borat’s best real estate quotes. 

"He is my neighbor Nursultan Tuliagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!"

Kazakh Flipsters

In Borat’s native Kazakhstan, installing a glass window is one of the highest ROI renovations you can do. Since most California homes already come with windows, here are the 3 best home renovation investments you can still consider:


Type                                                                 Average  Cost               % of Cost Returned

Manufactured Stone Veneer                $9,357                         95.6%

Garage Door Replacement                   $3,695                        94.5%

Minor Kitchen Remodel                        $23,452                      77.6%

Manufactured stone veneer:

Replacing vinyl siding with stone veneer on part of your home, such as an entryway, is a big curb-appeal upgrade. This cosmetic improvement and accent design element is likely to catch the eye of a potential buyer.

Garage door replacement:

Tackle this one by installing a new four-section garage door with heavy-duty galvanized steel tracks, and reuse your old motorized garage door opener

Minor kitchen remodel:

This is one where the enjoyment factor can outshine the investment factor, given how much of your time is spent cooking, entertaining friends, and sharing meals with your family.

"King in the Castle, King in the Castle, I have a chair! Go do dis, go do dis, King in the Castle."

Looking for your very own castle in the Bay Area? Here are the three largest pre-1900 homes for sale in the Bay Area (on the market <45 days).

2623 Divisadero Street, San Francisco, CA 94123

Price: $8,995,000

Borat: Real Estate Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Kazakhstan

601 Broderick Street, San Francisco, CA 94117

Price: $6,995,000

Borat: Real Estate Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Kazakhstan

1001 Forest Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301

Price: $12,300,000

Borat: Real Estate Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Kazakhstan

What’s in California? Pearl Harbor is there. So is Texas!

Texas is known for having more affordable housing than the Bay Area, but here are three affordable Bay Area suburbs that will have you saving so much money your wallet will be confused by what state it is in:

Pacheco:

Close to Walnut Creek but historically a suburb of Martinez, CA, where the martini was invented, and birthplace of Joe Dimaggio. Highly-rated schools and homes for sale currently range from $148k - $846k.  

Ross:

Located in Marin County, close enough to experience and commute to the big city, but far enough away to be tranquil, with highly-rated public schools.

The median home value of $2,000,000 seems stratospheric, but the median household income of $250k puts the median house in reach for the typical resident, more so than other Bay Area towns.    

Oakley:

Situated in East Contra Costa County, expect safe, quiet communities with highly-rated schools, close to big cities, and a very affordable median home sale price of $560k in the past month.  

Interested in exploring these three suburbs? Check out our latest listings here.

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